Tuesday, September 07, 2004
I've g0t werk t0 d0 and yet here I am bl0gging away. Why? C0z I juz dun feel like d0in much t0day. *sighz* I'm s0 sick n tired 0f everythin. I'm sick n tired 0f hafin t0 g0 t0 werk everyday.. sick n tired 0f da r0utine things I haf t0 d0 day in and day 0ut. Yes.. I'm b0red. Well.. at least I haf a j0b i kn0e.. but still.. its n0t a permanent 0ne and i'm glad.. cuz its definitely n0t sumthin I wanna d0 f0r da rest 0f my life. Wat d0 I wanna d0? I dunn0. I haf n0 freakin idea. I miss da simplicity 0f school life. At da m0st.. u juz w0rry abt examz and pr0jects. My c0ntract wif GE ends next yr in March.. 0r it c0uld be earlier.. depending 0n da extent 0f da werk. And end 0f April, g0nna be g0in t0 US f0r a m0nth, and when I c0me back, I w0uld haf 0fficially c0mpleted my bachel0r pr0gramme. Which means, I wld den haf t0 start l00kin f0r a REAL j0b. Ermz.. yea. Isn't it ir0nic, when ur in sch00l, u see werkin w0men and u wanna be juz like dem. And when ur werkin, u'd give anythin to be back in da c0mf0rt z0ne 0f ur previ0us schools.
Things at h0me haven't been s0 g00d either. Haven't been t0kin t0 my mum n sis f0r a few days. 0h da usual. My sis pr0v0kes me by makin s0me call0us remarks abt me.. I retaliate.. and mum steps in. Mum d0esn't hear da things Sis says abt me, s0 mum ends up thinking I'm da bl00dy rascal. Yes well mebbe I shdn't have retaliated. Sh0uld haf juz let it g0 in 0ne ear n 0ut an0ther. But da things my sis says t0 me.. are juz s0 insensitive. She never gives a damn h0w I feel. All thr0ugh0ut da yrs, she's been d0in this t0 me. When I was in sec sch, she said I'm like a "budak simpang". When I had n0 bf, she said I'm a lesbian. Either that, 0r she'll say sumthin like.. "N0 w0nder n0b0dy wants U." N n0w, when i've f0und sumb0dy I really l0ve, n wh0 l0ves me t00, she says things like "Mentang2 kau ader bf kau ingat kau besar ah?" Wat da hell? He has nuthin t0 d0 wif it at all. Nuthin t0 d0 wif her stupid grudge against me. Last time she blamed my frens. N0w she's blaming him.
U kn0e wat "dear" sis, YOU are t0 be blamed! I am n0t blameless either.. but i think u urself kn0e wat a bitch u've been t0 me! I'm s0 sick n tired 0f u trying t0 contr0l every0ne ard U and putting them d0wn juz becuz they refuse t0 listen t0 u! I am s0 sick n tired 0f U and ur degrading c0mments ab0ut me! I may n0t be a saint, but I d0 haf m0rals.. and I am n0t as bad as u make me 0ut t0 be. S0 quit it.
I'm sick and tired
of always being sick and tired
